Friday, April 08, 2005

Why Does Keith Foulke Want Me To Go Insane?

Dear Bronson Arroyo-
Good boy, you get a cookie! Thank you for continuing the trend of our starting pitchers showing up to kick a little ass. I will forgive the solo homer, as it came early in the game, and you then proceeded to retire the next 8 batters in order. The hair frankly baffles me, but if it works, go with it. And you're the current wins leader on the starting staff-good job, String Bean.

Dear Keith Foulke,
I love you very much.
I will never forget what you did last October.
However, that 9th inning had me alternately throwing aspersions upon your parentage, or in the fetal position on the floor, whimpering. It was like you did "Blown Save Greatest Hits.":hits, walks, hit batsmen. It only needed a balk to be complete.
Fortunately, you sacked up, and fixed it, which is more than can be said for your Yankee counterpart.
9th inning rallies are not so fun on the other side.
Can we never do that again please?

Dear Chauncey,
You see that guy over on the other side of the middle infield? There is a reason that he is hitting .417, and you are hitting .150. Yes, he has 7 strike outs. However, the rest of his ABs? Hits. Why? BECAUSE HE TAKES A FUCKING PITCH ONCE IN A WHILE.
As other people have said, I really do want to love you. But you are making it VERY VERY HARD.

Dear Papi. Captain Tek, and Millar,
You're doing just fine; you get cookies too.

Dear Fat Man.
If tomorrow was a one-sided blowout-shutout for our side, that would be really really cool, 'kay? I like exciting seat-of-our pants wins as much as anybody, but not consecutively. Sigh.