Wandering in The Desert
This is the WORST part of the sports calendar.
I remember saying the exact same thing last February. And it is still true.
No football, no baseball, and basketball and hockey have not yet reached the point where I am required by the By-Laws of Knowledgable Sports Fans to pay attention to them. Not only that, but one of the few things I do know about hockey, that Wayne Gretzky is like, really good, and like, a really good guy, is reported to be less than true.
Only thing that's better compared to this time last year? Tedy Bruschi is healthy and intact. *knocks on copious amounts of every kind of available wood* But now Tommy has to go under the knife for of all things, a sports hernia. To whatever thoracic surgeon performs the surgery: BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THAT SCALPEL. You carry the fantasies of thousands of women, and probably a goodly number of gay men, with you.
Damnit , I need sports. I'm taking a course in the 19th century novel. I'm working intensely to get this Pops concert off. Things are getting way too stereotypically girly around here.
And obsessively watching Battlestar Galactica only gets me part of the way back. I mean, I'm an glorified English major who plays the violin and occasionally does theater. But who also loves science fiction and is an obsessive football and baseball fan. Both parts, coexisting at the same time. It's the second part which prevents me from falling to the mere ranks of the Ivy League elitist stereotype. It is the second part which makes me weird. And I like being weird.
Here endeth the navel gazing.
I know that many other sites are doing their preseason predictions. But not me. Firstly, because there are ones out there done much better than I ever could, secondly, because mine would suck, and thirdly, because it just ain't my style , dawg.
So, instead, pre-season odds!
That sometime in May, a game will be held up without its center fielder or starting pitcher, because Coco and String Bean lost track of time jamming and freestyling in the equipment room: 3-1
That J.T Snow will earn love and acclaim by simultaneously saving a puppy who has wandered out on to the field , while still getting the unassisted put-out: 5-1
That no one will exactly know how the puppy got there, but Manny will be involved somehow: 1-1
That the first Yankee game will start with Josh Beckett facing Johnnny Damon: 5-1
That Beckett will strike him out: 3-1
That Beckett will plunk him, Damon will charge the mound, and Mike Lowelll will beat him bloody with his bare hands: 72-1
(but it's nice to imagine.)
That Kevin Youkilis will snap around August, screaming "FOR ONCE CAN'T YOU JUST CHANT KEVIN?": 22-1
That Alex Gonzalez, after training with Jedi Master Belichick, will use the Force to field a hit heading for the outfield: 14-1
That he will use the Jedi Mind trick to pick a runner off second: "The Jedi use the Force, for knowledge and defense, never for attack."- Yoda
That Julian Tavarez will enter the Ultimate Fighting Championship: 3-1
That Trot Nixon, not to be upstaged, will join in too: 2-1
That Jason Varitek will have to go pick up Jonathan Papelbon, Manny Delcarmen and Craig Hansen in Tijuana after a late-night pizza run goes horribly, horribly awry: 11-1
How many days 'til Truck Day?
I remember saying the exact same thing last February. And it is still true.
No football, no baseball, and basketball and hockey have not yet reached the point where I am required by the By-Laws of Knowledgable Sports Fans to pay attention to them. Not only that, but one of the few things I do know about hockey, that Wayne Gretzky is like, really good, and like, a really good guy, is reported to be less than true.
Only thing that's better compared to this time last year? Tedy Bruschi is healthy and intact. *knocks on copious amounts of every kind of available wood* But now Tommy has to go under the knife for of all things, a sports hernia. To whatever thoracic surgeon performs the surgery: BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THAT SCALPEL. You carry the fantasies of thousands of women, and probably a goodly number of gay men, with you.
Damnit , I need sports. I'm taking a course in the 19th century novel. I'm working intensely to get this Pops concert off. Things are getting way too stereotypically girly around here.
And obsessively watching Battlestar Galactica only gets me part of the way back. I mean, I'm an glorified English major who plays the violin and occasionally does theater. But who also loves science fiction and is an obsessive football and baseball fan. Both parts, coexisting at the same time. It's the second part which prevents me from falling to the mere ranks of the Ivy League elitist stereotype. It is the second part which makes me weird. And I like being weird.
Here endeth the navel gazing.
I know that many other sites are doing their preseason predictions. But not me. Firstly, because there are ones out there done much better than I ever could, secondly, because mine would suck, and thirdly, because it just ain't my style , dawg.
So, instead, pre-season odds!
That sometime in May, a game will be held up without its center fielder or starting pitcher, because Coco and String Bean lost track of time jamming and freestyling in the equipment room: 3-1
That J.T Snow will earn love and acclaim by simultaneously saving a puppy who has wandered out on to the field , while still getting the unassisted put-out: 5-1
That no one will exactly know how the puppy got there, but Manny will be involved somehow: 1-1
That the first Yankee game will start with Josh Beckett facing Johnnny Damon: 5-1
That Beckett will strike him out: 3-1
That Beckett will plunk him, Damon will charge the mound, and Mike Lowelll will beat him bloody with his bare hands: 72-1
(but it's nice to imagine.)
That Kevin Youkilis will snap around August, screaming "FOR ONCE CAN'T YOU JUST CHANT KEVIN?": 22-1
That Alex Gonzalez, after training with Jedi Master Belichick, will use the Force to field a hit heading for the outfield: 14-1
That he will use the Jedi Mind trick to pick a runner off second: "The Jedi use the Force, for knowledge and defense, never for attack."- Yoda
That Julian Tavarez will enter the Ultimate Fighting Championship: 3-1
That Trot Nixon, not to be upstaged, will join in too: 2-1
That Jason Varitek will have to go pick up Jonathan Papelbon, Manny Delcarmen and Craig Hansen in Tijuana after a late-night pizza run goes horribly, horribly awry: 11-1
How many days 'til Truck Day?
posted by Emma at 8:26 PM
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