To Whom It May Concern
I am writing this on behalf of my pets, the one known as Emma, and the one known as Mommy. They cannot , or will not, at the present point, write it for themselves, due to the emotional effect of last night's game. So I must take the initiative, on behalf of all the residents of this house, and on my own behalf. I must say something.
Stop it. Stop it now. Noo. No! Bad Red Sox. Baaaaad.
You are making my pets very sad. And that is not good for anybody. When they are sad they do not pet me and stroke me. Instead, they yell, and scream loudly at one of you named Curt, and another of you named Mark.( Although one of you seems to be a cat, the one called Trotter, because they told him he was good a lot.) And the one named Emma tends to hit the couch a lot. I do not know what kind of a creature a bullpen is, but it sounds very evil.
They have explained to me that Red Sox are a lot like kitties, and that you are fighting beings called Yan-kees, who are a lot like the hated canine foe. Well, all I can say, is that if the dogs beat us like that, they would never let us live it down. But, maybe, like kitties, you beings have nine lives, and can give the Yankees a good scratching tonight.
Please. I beg of you.
Beat these hated Yankees tonight.
Make my pets smile again.
Sairey The Cat