Thursday, June 30, 2005

Mike Timlin is Da Man

Why? His first save of the year yesterday. Along with his bitching goatee. He alone can pull that particular configuration off. ( Do you hear me Kevin Millar?)

*Also on the Goatee Front: I approve of the embryonic goatee-gote on the Big Schill. It bodes well for future facial hair. Maybe one day soon it will meet the Blue Fairy and become a real boy.

That? That was a double ringing for the dual homer success of the Bells, Dougie and Mark. Hearing Gary Thorne yell "Look out, Pesky Pole!" for Mark's brought back WS Game One Warm Fuzzies.

* Heard recently around the homestead : "Oh, I like it when John Olerud smiles, it's nice." And, "I had good feelings the moment I heard they signed him." My mother officially has a crush on John Olerud.

* Retraction from Last Week: Victor Martinez is from Venezuela, not the Dominican.

* There were a couple Indians and Phillies who had rather scruffy looking hats. But none shall ever achieve the level of the Trotter's Fielding Hat. That thing looks like it's sentient.

I know we're all kittens and candy about the win yesterday. But now: DO IT AGAIN!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Aw, heck.

*despairing look toward Keith Foulke and the Red Sox bullpen*

Monday, June 27, 2005

A Medium To Large Size Can of Whoop-Ass

Swept road trip.
12 of 13.
MARK BELLHORN as player of the game.
John Kruk calling us the "class of the AL East".
On one hand I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. On the other, of the two teams likely to wield said shoe, one just got swept by the Braves, the beat-up Braves who are being carried by the suddenly Troy Brown-esque Andruw Jones and nobody else. And the other dropped three of four to the Devil Rays, and would have been swept by their crosstown rivals if not for the extreme suckage of the Mets bullpen. DAMMNIT, Mets! If the frickin' Devil Rays bullpen can hold a 2 run lead against the Yankees, why can't you?

So I don't really have any confidence in the potential shoe-wielders. Especially since we're going right now like Deputy Jones on Reno 911, all "I will beat your ass with your own shoe!!"

Speaking of, how great was Tito's Philly homecomeing?
S'all, " Who's "You Suck Franconya" now? WHAT"S MY NAME, BITCHES? SAY MY MOTHERFUCKING NAME!"

But not really because Tito's nicer then that. And also more subtle.

I think I will actually miss Interleague, not for pitchers batting, but for Papi starting sweeeeet 3-6-1 double plays. Maybe pitchers batting too, if only for loving the spectacle of Padilla walking Matty Clement to load the bases after INTENTIONALLY PASSING BELLHORN.

And I am not my mother. I LIKED winning like we did on Friday and Saturday. Though they are my semi-hometown Phillies, I am glad we swept their asses.
I would have preferred NOT BLOWING A SEVEN RUN LEAD. Screw letting them making a good showing. I would have preferred foot to the throat throttling.
Hear that BOOMER?
You got me this mad, better be a fucking no hitter next time. Basehit, my ass.
Bullpen- You best go out and buy your offense several large bottles of scotch, or, in the case of Mr. Bellhorn, well, I'll leave that to you.

Homecoming tonight. String Bean, back in Fenway, against the Indians team he slapped around last week. Going for 8 straight wins. Life don't get no better than this. Or maybe it does. Let's see.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Legion of Infield Superheroes

Charter Members

Edgar "Green Lantern" Renteria- Beaming homers to left , RBI singles to center, and double play balls to first like he's got a magic ring.

John "Mr. Fantastic" Olerud- Is stretchy enough to Hoover up nearly anything thrown in the vicinity of first. Then he coils himself up again to hit homers.

Billy "Captain Marvel" Mueller- May look like a ten year old boy sans beard, but put a bat in his hand, and two outs on the board? SHAZAAM.

Mark "The Martian Manhunter" Bellhorn- Unemotional, occasionally frustrating, but when needed reveals powers beyond those of mortal men.

Kevin "Robin" Millar-Mostly stands around making inane comments and needing to be rescued, but then does something amazing and endearing to remind you why you loved him in the first place.

Honorary Member, Outfield Auxillary

Jay "The Flash" Payton- Turns ordinary doubles into triples within the blink of an eye.


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Summer Mom-Blogging V.2.0

Game Time: T-Minus 1hr 30 min

Am returning home on the bus from work, with sore, nearly sprained wrist. (If you wonder how in the world you can nearly sprain a wrist scooping ice cream, you're not alone.) Wonder idly if there's televised baseball tonight. Am told by Maternal Entity that there will actually be SOX on TV tonight, versus the Indians. Dance of Joy results.

Bottom 1st
For the first time, it is the Maternal Entity who's freaking out over David Wells in a first inning two out jam, and me who is calm. I feel especially superior. Even when he gives up a run. Because I am calm, and superior.

Top 2nd
Buckethead SWINGS AND FLYS OUT ON THE GODDAMN FIRST PITCH. My new found calm superiority is gone.

Bottom 2nd
Maternal Entity notices resemblance of Indian catcher Victor Martinez to Pedro, and wonders if he is related, as they are both Domincan. She then proceeds to order me to find out. Brief bickering over whether she can actually do that. Result: He is NOT Pedro's cousin.

Top 3rd
Jay Payton is so good as to get a leadoff double. He is then stranded there. I restrain myself from throwing things. Poor JP.

Bottom 3rd
Boomer manages a 1-2-3 inning. Much rejoicing.

Top 4th
Edgah whacks a leadoff double. There is universal prayer that we do not yet again waste said leadoff double. Papi seems to hear. Mannylito answers said prayer with a pretty pretty 3-run homer to left. Manny gets a cookie.

Bottom 4th
Boomer is seemingly jealous of Manny's cookie, as he proceeds to erase the homer and the 2 run lead with 3 ER of his own. Bad Boomer. Go sit in the corner.

Top 5th
The 8-9-1 guys continue the beating up of Sabathia. Bellhorn lays down some baserunning knowledge on our poor asses, sliding beautifullly around home plate to score a run and extend the inning.
Me: "Respect The BELL!"
Mom: "Ding,Dong!"
Me: "What the hell was that?"
And then when I did again , she did it again. My mother is crazy, y'all.
Tek honors the Bell, by putting up a Game 6 style homer to center field. Just gets over the wall, originally thought a double, then ruled a homer. Go umps.

Bottom 6th
Myers in for Boomer. Almost immediately gets the grounder which should be the first out. It is, however, BOOTED by Bellhorn. Bellhorn then starts a double play on the next grounder. The Bell giveth, the Bell taketh away.

Myers seems to have caught Boomer's pathogical inability to get the third out. Timlin comes in, allows one runner to score, but gets the third out, finally.

Bottom 7th
Meanwhile, Jacobs Field has become filled with gnats. Leading to the following conversation:
Mom: "Look at the creatures in the bullpen."
Me: "What, Timlin and Foulke?"
Mom: *pause* "Nice comeback."
Me: "Thank you."

Top 8th
ESPN2 shows Johnny leaning with his head on Manny's shoulder. Awwwww.

Bottom 8th
Embree comes in. "Uh-oh." He does not prove me wrong, unfortunately, giving up a two-run homer to Travis Hafner, and making this game much to close for comfort at 9-7. Foulke comes in, and shows again his aversion to one run leads, giving up another homer, this time to Victor"Not Pedro's Cousin" Martinez. Then, and only then, comes the third out. Sox, 9-8.

Top 9th
Unfrozen Caveman Baseball Player hits a homer. There is much rejoicing. Manny hits a solid single, but gets thrown out by a mile trying to stretch it to a double, ending the inning. There is much gnashing of teeth, especially when Manny is shown smiling.

Bottom 9th
A walk and a couple singles have made it 10-9, and Foulkie continues unimpeded on his quest to drive me insane. My mother has one of the pillows pressed in front of her face. I have put a blanket over my head.
FINALLY: Johnny makes a running catch. The game ends.

Well, at least it wasn't boring...

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Return of The Vegetable Mojo

What did I say? What else can I say? Nothin' but a little HELL YEAH.

The pitching line speeding across the bottom of my screen tonight:
Arroyo: 7 IP, ER, 8 SO

And then, seeing that inside fastball and beautiful breaking ball in the ESPN highlights?

My boy is back.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


Well, three games ain't exactly white hot. But I will take what I can get. Since it's the first of its kind in about three weeks.

Especially when the three games are the Sox at their best. Hitting, fielding, and most of all pitching on all cylinders.

Me, a week ago:
What baseball god hates us so much that he timed Wake and String Bean's slumps simultaneously?

And then Wake goes out on Sunday and makes me look stupid. However, 7 IP, 1 ER is the type of humiliation I'll gladly take.

Also, how cute is Wake running the bases and all avoidy with the tag? He runs the bases like Phoebe in that episode of Friends. Arms akimbo, flapping in the wind. So adorable. He's all cheered up with his boyfriend back behind the plate. Even when that boyfriend messes up his first hit of the night.

Matty? Back to being Matty. Pitching like they're going to fire him if he has a single screw-up. I hope they tell him they love him enough. I would.

And David Wells continues on his great quest to make me fond of him, this time taking a no-no in the 6th. I think my relationship with him is like Kristen's with Johnny. The more I try to dislike him, the better he does. So hey, Cabbage Head, I still dislike you. You think I'm satisfied with almost no-nos?

The Mannylito has returned. Three homers in three games? Oh, he's back all right.

So, String Bean? Your turn. You are to go out tonight and disprove my statement of a week ago. You are to pitch the way we know you can. Remember May 3rd? At Detroit? No-no into the 7th? That is the Bronson I fell for. And I know he's still in there somewhere.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Delayed Reaction Revenge

Right now, there are a million or so people in St. Louis and its metropolitan area saying "WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE DONE THAT LAST OCTOBER?" And also, "WHERE WAS THAT MATT MORRIS IN GAME TWO?"

And as annoying as last night's game was to watch, I guess the Cards deserved to get a little revenge back. I just wish that the game could have been actually, y'know, competitive.

Because of the stupidity of media areas, I did not get to see ANY of Lando's return to the Fens, but I'm glad we at least took two of three. And it's very interesting to compare the respective returns of Lando and Edgah to their former stomping grounds. Lando's was, of course, ecstatic and enthusiastic. However, Edgar's was not totally negative. I think he provided some cognitive dissonance for Redbird Nation. They booed, but then they cheered, and then came the standing O. They resent him for leaving, especially for more money, but they can't dissociate themselves from the love they had for him for 6 years. Gosh, that sounds familiar.

Fast forward to whenever the Mets next come to Fenway for Interleague.....

Moving on,

-What baseball god hates us so much that he timed Wake and String Bean's slumps simultaneously? Sigh. Although, had the bats had any spark in them WHATSOEVER, that game could have turned out differently. Poor Edgar reverted to early season form, GIDP, errors and all.

-By the end of that game, I wanted to give Tek a hug and tell him repeatedly, "You are a good catcher, you are a good catcher..." However, I miss Dougie.

-Meet Mark Bellhorn....LEADOFF HITTER! Steve Brady's More CowBellhorn! campaign seems to have worked.... at least for a day.

-I like Matt Morris's beard very much. I dislike getting a complete game pitched against up. Especially letting him out of innings on 7 FREAKING PITCHES.

-Even when Trotter misses the catches, he is entertaining, with the tumbling and the rolling and the cap.

- Kristen is right. Jay Payton needs to be cheered for early and often.

-"CUIDADO.....MANTEI!!!!!" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

-Stupid hustle-y David Eckstein.

-I can spell Grudzielanek from memory. I am inordinately proud of this fact.


They're not showing Game 2 down here, but that's okay, because tonight we get REALITY RED SOX ! Millar in a bathrobe! Tek with facial cream! Mirabelli in pinstriped Italian suits! And then ESPN is being so good as to show Game 3 on Wednesday night. And then, off to Wrigley.

So it should be an interesting week.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Why Yesterday Was Completely Awesome

1) David "Just Rename The Walkoff The Papi Right Now" Ortiz hit a walkoff into the centerfield black, meaning the Red Sox took two of four from the Orioles.

2) The Kansas City Royals ( the Kansas City Royals, people) made the Yankees their bitches, sweeping them, and handing the Yankees their 5 straight loss in a row. And were closed out yesterday, after loading the bases, by a guy named Ambiorix.

(And have combined with the sunglasses to make Bronson look like the badass he so clearly is.)

Preemptively,why this weekend will be awesome: The O.C's return to the 6-1-7. Gon' be off the hook, y'all.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005


JD sees something, another teammate, a wall, an otherwise stationary object, and he thinks "I wonder if I can move this with my head."
-Kristen, 5/17/05

Seeing Johnny Damon run full speed into the outfield triangle wall is bad. Seeing it several more thousand times over the course of the evening was worse. Especially when the Maternal Entity gets a good look at it for the first time, and makes an exclamation that I've only heard previously when I or the Sibling whacked ourself on something.

So you hear that, Red Sox? Y'all have an extra mother out there; right here in the Tri-State Area. Just something to remember before the next Yankees series at the Stadium. She might even make you some mashed potatoes, if you ask nicely.

And she likes it when you win, by the way. And we both like it when you smile and hit, Edgar. So good job on last night.

I, however, am torn. I love Kevin Millar; hell, part of this blog is named after him. But John Olerud has done his damnedest in his past two starts to make me love him. And he has almost succeeded. What am I supposed to do?